"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." Lin Yutang

When Anna Jarvis stood at her mothers gravesite nearly one hundred years ago, she vowed to establish a day to honor not only the mother in her own lifebut to honor mothers everywhere. The activism she observed firsthand in her mothers fight to improve the living conditions of those battling poverty motivated her to carry on an activist project of her own: celebrating mothers who had come before her, mothers in her own lifetime, and mothers whose times had not yet come.

The tradition of giving white carnations to mothers was started just a couple years later, and within nine yearswith the U.S. Congress passing a joint resolutionMothers Day was officially established to celebrate a womans role in the family.

The holiday was never to have been made into a commercial brouhaha. Indeed, Anna Jarvis would be rolling over in her grave with the success of Hallmarks Mothers Day revenues alone. For she desired that the day be celebrated with sentiment rather than with profit; that flowers and hand-written notes of appreciation be given away.

So just how can we celebrate Mothers Day as a holiday with those we loveand yet honor the wishes of its founder? How can we encourage others to express loving sentiments to usrather than encourage them to purchase loving sentiments? And where does chocolate fit into the Mothers Day equation for crying out loud?!?

Get started:

Encourage handmade. I have saved every one of the handmade cards my children have ever made me. Cute as they are upon presentation, they are downright priceless a decade later. Call me a sentimental schmuck: the same hand that wrote my first Mothers Day card is now filling out college applications. Dont ever let your kids buy commercial Mothers Day cards. Make sure they know where the stamps, ink pads, stickers, glitter (I know I know), glue, colored markers, art pencils, and blank stationery are stored in your home. And encourage their creativity.

Encourage home baked. There is, after all, nothing quite like breakfast in bed. Especially on Mothers Day. It reads: I adore you, my love. Stay in bed awhile. Relax. Youve worked so hard. Or something like that. You get the idea. Encourage your entourage to treat you with home baked coffeecake, cinnamon rolls, biscuits, or buttered toast; theyll be special because your hubby and children made them just for you. Even if they whacked the can against the kitchen counter to produce those little tasties, go with it and relish the moment.

Encourage home cooked. But only if he can do it. I mean, seriously, if the guy cant boil water, dont expect him to produce a gourmet six-course dinner. Much better to go to your local diner. But if he becomes inspired to cook for youas mine did only once in twenty-two yearsthen go for it. Relax on your favorite upholstered chair and let him go crazy in your kitchen, if just for a day.

Encourage hand picked. Ok. Its a stretch. But expensive roses are not for everybody, you know. While a bouquet of hand-picked wild flowers may or may not cut it for me, a bunch of daffodils would. As would a single lovely hyacinth. If the scent of spring flowers wafting through your home arouses your aesthetic sensibilities, then tell hubby that this year, youd prefer sprouted bulbs.

Get brilliant:

For those of us too addicted to our societys conceived notions of the proper care and feeding of mother on Mothers Day, here are a few more options.

Go fancy. Leave the kids at home and let hubby treat his queen to the most exquisite restaurant he can afford. Mothers Day comes but once a year, after all. Get gussied up, dressed up, and psyched up for a night out on the town. Splurge big-time. No holds barred. Itll fill your tank for months.

Go custom. Encourage hubby to treat you to something that you really really want. Granted, the elm wood Venetian easel with a lovely oil finish that Ive asked for might not turn you on, but it is what I really really want for Mothers Day this year. My oil paintings have taken over our major living areas and I need another easel. But the survey would say: you could probably care less for that. What do you dearly desire? Put a bug in hubbys ear and encourage him to surprise you on Mothers Day. A spring outfit? Cute handbag? New perfume? Pedicure? Its easy. Just let your kids figure it out and theyll pass it on to the wallet-holder in no time.

Go chocolate. Its always the answer. I dont care what the question is. The predilection for chocolate is nearly universally humanas proven by at least seventeen university studiesand carries back, by some estimates, to more than 75,000 years. Early explorers in South America used it as currency and sold it in solid bars. My favorite is as bitter and dark as youll ever find, with 85% cocoa. Yours might be sweet milk chocolate. Indulge. But be careful. You dont want to die from chocolate-induced coma on Mothers Day.

Go easy. Most of all, you need a break on Mothers Day. Put your feet up. Get comfortable. Relax with a book. Or a magazine. Allow yourself the dizzying liberation of being downright lazy for just one day.

Most importantly, love the ones youre with. My guess is they are the very ones who made you a mommy in the first place.

Happy, happy Mothers Day!