Dear Vijay,

I worry about not being a good parent. My daughter Tracy is six and my son Michael is four. They seem happy. Our family does things together. It is just that with so much that seems to be going wrong in the world, I fear that something will go wrong at home.

Hope you can help me, M.J.

Dear M.J.,

This really isnt a parenting question. It is a question about your own self and how you relate to life. Your children are simply the catalyst for energizing these issues for you. The fact that your feelings of unrest are manifesting in the guise of concern for your children just proves that negative energies dont play fair. They go for our soft spots, and they have no mercy.

You told me your story perfectly. But, you only needed to use two of the words you wrote: Worry and Fear. These are words that become self-fulfilling. The more you use them, the more powerful they become.

Whenever you have reoccurring feelings or emotions that get in the way of your personal sense of internal balance you are doing yourself and your whole family a favor by doing something to improve your mental/emotional landscape.

You have taken the first big step by recognizing that this area of your life is out of balance. Observation is key to knowing what is going on in life. Next you want to come up with creative solutions to your situation. Remember, you arent trying to go to war with yourself over this issue. What you are trying to do is redirect energy that is heading in what you would consider to be a negative direction, and turn it towards a positive direction.

Here is an idea to show you how this works:

Go on a diet. Not a food diet, but a worry/fear diet. That means you consciously abstain from worrying or being fearful for periods of time. Of course as soon as you go on a diet (as with food) you become intensely aware of the very thing that you are trying to forget!

The key is to remember that you arent trying to fight with yourself. You are trying to redirect negative energy into a positive direction.

If you take some quiet time to search inside yourself for creative ideas I bet you will come up with some fun and inventive ways that fit your own situation perfectly. If you get stuck for ideas, do a little brainstorming with a good friend.

Tip: You dont have to tell your friend that you are driving yourself nuts with worry/fear. That could create a negative image in their mind. Just tell them truthfully that you are looking for some fun ways to redirect your energies when you feel the need. They may end up trying the ideas themselves!

When you notice that you are starting to worry or be fearful (you want to catch yourself as quickly as possible before you build up a head of steam) then go directly to one of your redirection ideas. If the first one doesnt work, move right on to the next idea.

Here are some sample ideas:

• Make silly faces in the mirror.

• Exercise intensely. Activities that take mental, as well as, physical effort are particularly good.

• Do a good deed for someone. Intense attention to others often takes us out of self-involved circles of thought.

• Read the comics or a good book of humor.

• Listen to joyful music.

• Watch a light, happy movie.

• Learn to meditate. Meditation is the most direct way to internally redirect our energies.

• Affirm: I am joyful and energetic! Repeat this out loud ten to twenty times while walking in place and swinging your arms.

When you immerse yourself in almost any positive direction with energy and concentration you will find that negative energies lose their power and eventually fall away through neglect. This is a powerful truth that works in every facet of life.

Experiment with these ideas and let us know how things go.

Bless You,

Vijay

This column offers solutions to people who write in questions about how they can solve their life challenges through the formula described in the books, Way of the Positive Flow and Positive Flow Parenting, by Lawrence Vijay Girard