As a guardian of ADHD children I often see the myriad of emotions that a parent with an ADHD child has to go through. I also get to see the happiness that they experience once they learn the secrets of minimizing hazardous communication and decrease their 'parenting errors'.

Some of the most common parenting errors are

1) Latent errors: there errors are inherent within the system. For example in a family, there is organizational sloppiness. Responsibilities are not defined; assumptions are made and not communicated etc.

2) Predisposing errors:

a. Work overload: parents forgetting to leave work at the office and bringing the problems home. The frustration is picked up by their hypersensitive ADHD child and 'Boom' goes the emotional time bomb.

b. Poor team work/cooperation: Many ADHD parents try to take on all the responsibilities. They refuse help and wear themselves into the ground. Understand that playing martyr will get you poor results, simply because you will lose any respect that your child has for you.

c. Inadequate strategies: Most parents are not prepared for parenthood. Usually the role is incidental and therefore there is a distinct lack of good parenting techniques many of which can easily be learnt before hand.

d. H.A.L.T. parents: Hungry, Angry, Late, Tired parents. The repercussions of each should be obvious.

e. Difficult children: ADHD parents need to be very careful in labeling situations, when an ADHD child behaves difficultly it is usually an external trigger factor that caused it. Your job as the parent is to find out.

3) Active errors:

a. Slips, you think about one thing get distracted and you say something else

b. Lapses, failing to follow through with something you said to your child. If it happens once your credibility takes a nose dive and you will be tested again and again by your ADHD child to reestablish the boundaries.

c. Frank mistakes, simply scolding when you know that there is a better way.

Being aware of the possible parenting errors that can occur is the first step towards success, here is a simple 6 step system that you can use to improve the satisfaction of the parent child interaction as well as the quality of relationship.

A: acknowledge.

S: say sorry

S: story

I: inquire

S: solution

T: track

Acknowledge is the simply act of empathizing with your ADHD child and affirm to them that you are present and listening to their concerns

Say sorry when you are indeed in the wrong or even if you are not. Often times saying, 'I'm sorry that we are having difficulties in understanding each other. I really love you and would like to help as best as I can.' Will diffuse the situation and allow the ADHD parent to reestablish communication instead of go into an adversarial role.

Story telling is often the best way to engage your child. As an ADHD parent you should develop a coherent story, one that includes your ADHD child and the outcome that is desired. Think of it as super happy ending bedtime stories, but instead of characters use your family members and depict the results you want to achieve.

Inquire and unravel the mysteries of your ADHD child's mind. Find out by asking questions and patiently wait for an answer. You will find that more often than not, they have the perfect reason behind their behaviour, you just need to find out what that is.

Solution orientation is the name of the game. However, always ask for your ADHD child's opinion before making your own judgment call. Know that the ADHD child doesn't like to take instructions, so involving them in decision making is a crucial step for effective communication.

Track the results of the interaction for the next few days. Do not assume that when you and your ADHD child reach a conclusion together that all will be well. Remember, you as the ADHD parent must take an active role in securing the relationship. When you do, the quality of your parent child relationship will improve significantly.

My best wishes to you and your children.

If you have any questions, simply write to me at questions @ the adhd specialist . com (without all the spaces in between, this is to decrease the possibility of junk getting into my mailbox :P )

For more information, simply head over to www.theadhdspecialist.com

Warmest regards, The biomedical researcher/ ADHD specialist Hoe Bing

End article 'Six Steps To Powerful Communication With Your Child'