For many men and women in a wide variety of situations divorce is a legitimate and appropriate choice.

Getting divorced is a process and consists of 3 main elements:

Emotional

Financial

Legal

Healing from divorce is not easy. It is often a long and excruciating process and always brings out strong emotions. The divorce process frequently leaves people feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, helpless, empty and emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, the best recommendation I have is to put together a team of knowledgeable, experienced professionals who will work on your behalf for the best possible outcome for you!

Lawyers, mediators, therapists, coaches, accountants, clergy and financial planners all have valuable points of view to consider. If you have children, stay in close communication with your childrens teachers and the parents of their friends.

An important part of the repair process is learning to honor and heal the many emotions of divorce. Please remember that all these emotions are a normal and natural response to divorce:

Anger at yourself and your ex-partner;

Shame and guilt that haunts you and keeps you stuck and unable to think about many of the alternatives and possibilities;

Sadness and despair over the loss of the relationship;

Anxiety over the disruption of the family; and

Loss of a lifetime of hopes, dreams, expectations.

While there is no argument from me that divorce can be painful and awful in many ways, you still have choices when it comes to your response(s) to getting divorced. I urge you to become willing to choose

Self-discovery;

Deepening your self-awareness;

Renewing self-respect;

Learning to make new choices; and

Working on forgiveness.

Take the first step on the road back from the awfulness of your divorce and toward repairing and restoring an injured part of self, forwarding cooperation and good will with those with whom you have been in conflict, reducing any on-going harmful impact on yourself and your children, exploring the values that drive your decisions and creating useful, healthy ways to meet your needs. You can say goodbye to pain and confusion and begin designing a life that is rich and meaningful today.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005

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