People tell me that one of the things that was most valuable to them from my Soulmate Success Training program was learning about Dating Traps. So here's another one, the Scarcity Trap. The Scarcity Trap is another on the Dating Traps that is easy to fall into and hard to get out of! But there is hope! With a little awareness and some conscious effort you can stay out of all the Dating Traps! The Scarcity Trap operates on the premise that there is a limited supply of possible partners out there. This results in believing that you have to compromise and settle for what you can get. How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm not completely satisfied with the way things are with Steve, but considering that at my age all the good ones are taken, I better just hang onto him." Ouch! Who wants to be the other person in that relationship? Or fill in the blank with any other circumstance, for example, given how many times I've been married, since I have a child to raise, and so on.... it's the best I could get. This kind of scarcity thinking leads to a lot of unhappiness for both people. And this is one that we don't often reveal even to ourselves. So be honest this time, are you in a better than nothing relationship? Are you falling into the Scarcity Trap? Be honest, even if the truth hurts. Sometimes people fall into the Scarcity Trap even when they are not in a relationship. In fact this is the most common from of all. I ask, "So are you dating anyone right now?" "No not really," comes the reply, "I've just kind of given up looking. All the good ones seem to be taken." And there it is. Trapped! The way out of the Scarcity Trap is to look at the facts, the real facts. There are more singles out there today than at any time in history! The population of the United States is just under 300 million people. Figure roughly half of those are men and half are women, so divide in half. Take out 25%are kids and 40% are married and 10% who are gay and you are left with 37,500,000. Do you think that within that many people there is someone for you? Sure! There are plenty of good people left! The roots of the Scarcity Trap lie in the media and popular culture. The problem is that when we buy into this kind of thinking, we tend to settle for someone who is not right for us. But here's the thing. You don't have to settle to be in a great relationship! And as long as you are busy settling, you will not be available when the right person does show up. Ask yourself what you need to do to be sure that you do not settle? Now here's the key. Clearly define what you need in order to be happy and feel loved. What are your absolute "Must Haves" and "Deal Breakers"? Trust that if you apply yourself you will get what you really want in life. Understand that you must be able to say "no" to what you don't want, so that you will be available to say "yes" to what you do want. And understand that finding the right relationship takes time, so don't get impatient. Learn to date to make friends and have fun first. Then after you've taken my Soulmate Success Training program, you can use the information you get there and your Personalized Dating Plan to help you balance you head with your heart and find your Soulmate! |
